I’ve always wanted our kids to be close in age and when Emery was born I was thinking that I’d love to have another baby after she turned two years old. It seemed like a good time frame to really enjoy her and prepare for another newborn. However, during those first few weeks with a newborn, I remember asking Nick, “How do people do this more than once?”
On February 9th we were having lunch with some friends after church and they asked us when we planned on having another one. I said my usual spiel and then Nick blurts out, “I think she’s already pregnant!” His reasoning was because I was mildly moody and tired a lot lately, but since I plan out so much of my life (and this wasn’t in my plan) I knew there was no way I could be pregnant. This was all despite the fact that with my first two pregnancies we got pregnant VERY easily (Nick is quite proud of this).
We talked about the RV for the first time that night and we were ready to really explore this idea seriously. The next day I took a test just to be sure. To my utter shock, it was positive. Every pregnancy test I’ve taken I’ve desperately wanted it to be positive. So, it was a very different experience this time. Going from thankful, to shocked, indifferent, and to crying because I really wasn’t ready to be pregnant again or go through labor again so soon, haha!
I was terrified to tell Nick because it was my idea to do the Natural Family Planning method. So, I worried that he would be disappointed in me for unintentionally derailing our plans. I cried because I felt I should be overjoyed. There are so many women who are pleading to God each month for a positive test. I cried because my baby girl who was 9 months was going to be a “big” sister and how do I give her what she needs from me while being super pregnant and then while having a newborn? I cried because we had just talked about living in an RV and how in the world do we do that with a 17-month-old and a newborn? We’ll be going from a king-size bed to a queen (I know. First world problems. But my pregnancy pillow took up half our bed now. How do we downsize that?) My babies won’t have a normal crib or nursery to sleep in or mounds of toys to play with.
I also did NOT want to have a baby in Iowa. I was worried about going through the postpartum time in a small camper, without my support systems close by. Let’s just say the bathroom is small and those extra huge panties you wear postpartum will barely fit. I worried about having a newborn crying in the night with my toddler in such close proximity. How will we all sleep?
These questions still aren’t answered, but I’m asking them “out loud” so that you get a small picture of what we’re trying to figure out. I’ve also had so many mothers tell me that their children who are close in age is the best thing ever. Ultimately, I’m so thankful for this pregnancy and this sweet little baby (Nick said to Emery, “Someone else is in your room!”).
