I’ve heard it many times – “Oh, this is your first one. You won’t be like that with the next one.”
There are blog posts titled What Not to Worry About as a First Time Mom, and there are well-meaning people on social media reminding you that the things you’re worried about now aren’t worth your time when you have more than one kid.
Eye rolls and body language insinuate that you’re overreacting or being silly when you express concern, an opinion, or a family value in this season of your parenting (wait, I think that happens to moms of multiple kids too, ha!). I often find myself prefacing my statements or questions with, “I’m sorry, but I’m a first-time mom and I’m wondering ____.”
Honestly, women, in general, have a really bad habit of apologizing for things that aren’t warranted an apology but that’s a whole other topic for another day.
I know it’s funny that I, a first-time mother, would be writing such a blog post. Maybe one day when I’m knee-deep in multiple kids eating off of the crusty floor I will look back and think it was pointless to write on this topic. However, I’m not there yet and I want to encourage other first time mothers that you don’t have to be either.
I am the one who carried my baby in my womb for nine months. I am the one who was constantly checking the apps on my phone (three to be exact) to see what my baby was growing that week, what kind of food her body size was equivalent to, and worrying if my caffeine intake was going to be too much for that day. I was the one who did the research on when and what to feed her and what to do if she gets sick. I was the one who labored for thirty-six long hours and heard her first cry. I am the one who has nourished her tiny body for over five months with my own body and will continue to do so. I am the one who knows her the very best and who loves her the very most.
There are times when I do have questions and I truly value wisdom from more experienced mothers. Just like I would ask a couple who has been successfully married for many years for advice on marriage. I love the community of mothers that I get to be a part of on social media pages, at church, and with my friends. But, I will no longer apologize for being a first-time mom, and I don’t think anyone should joke about the choices of a new mother just because they are “new”. Maybe this all comes down to the dreaded “mom shaming” that we hear about so often, but I feel this can be especially hard for mothers of one baby.
Obviously, if a mother is struggling I think it’s completely warranted to let her know everything will be okay. I guess I am just wanting to convey that it gets kind of old hearing, “Just wait until your second. You won’t care.” As if having a second child will make me more lenient on certain things like wanting to clean a toy, not feeding my baby before six months, being cautious with germs, or simply wanting to contact the nurse on call when my baby is sick (thank goodness I haven’t had to do this yet!) So many times I’ve just wanted to say, “Just let me be a new mom. Let me learn the way that I need to. I want to be cautious with this. Not because I’m new to mothering, but because I’m her mother.”
I also don’t want to encourage something such as worrying. That’s not biblical, healthy, or needed. But I do want to encourage you to encourage new mothers differently. Don’t just assume that they are over-reacting or allowing undue stress because it is their first baby. Mothers, don’t stifle your intuition or your nurturing nature because a book tells you otherwise or because some mother with 4 kids told you, “It’s no big deal.” We’re all doing the very best we can, so laughing at a new mom because she’s a new mom is degrading and hurtful. Instead, ask her if she needs your help. Ask her if she would like your thoughts. Ask her how she is doing. But, don’t make her feel less than because she is less experienced than you.
Photo Cred | Brooke Nicole Photography